Reflections

Taken last week from my porch. I love my view.

I always seem to be in a nostalgic mood when my birthday comes around. I guess it makes sense. It's the perfect day to look back to the past and plan for the future.

It's really funny how you change with age. When you're a child, you look at birthdays as the day to party, get presents, and rejoice as your entire world revolves around you. When you're an adult, the parties aren't as boisterous and there are no clowns, thank goodness!! It's the small things that are the most precious, like how your husband and sons bring you a special dinner in bed, sing "Happy Birthday" to you while you're laying in a pile of pillows with kleenex shoved up your nose because you're dog-sick with a cold.

It's the phone calls, texts, and Facebook messages from your family and far-away friends that make you smile because they thought of you in the middle of their busy day. It's looking back on the last few years seeing how much you've grown and changed mentally.

5 years ago, I turned 30. I won't lie, it was tough. I dreaded it for months. I felt like all vitality and youth was going to fly out the door as soon as midnight struck. I felt like I was used up, a discarded shell of a woman. I felt like I used all the "good years" second guessing my every step, wishing I had the confidence to say and do things that I wasn't brave enough to do. I expected to peel the covers back that morning and see a gnarled, hunchbacked, saggy-skinned OLD LADY. Think the Evil Queen from Disney's Snow White. 

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Well that didn't happen. I know. Shocking.

I didn't look any different, I didn't really feel different. It was just another day.

Then, several months later, something funny happened. I finally embraced ME.

The ME I had always been trying to change to impress others, the ME who's a little kooky, the ME who has no fashion sense or much of a filter, the ME that my husband sees in varying moods and disarray and yet he still stays around. That man is a saint.

I finally decided to be ME and not care what others thought about my ME-ness. You can't live your life dictating to every opinion. The only opinions that actually matter are those who live under your own roof. Life is too damn short to second guess why you like something or feel awkward from the disdainful looks you get because something out of the box makes you happy. (Planners, anyone?!?)


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We only get to live this life once. If you're so busy worrying about what other people think, how in the world are you going to have time to actually ENJOY IT??? You are you for a reason. You are different for a reason. This world needs your YOUNESS!! The differences make things fun, exciting and make for excellent learning opportunities. If we all liked the same things or looked the same, it would be flat-out, mind-numbingly BORING. What if crayons were all the same? Coloring would suck.

So as I settle into my 35th year of life, I'm just going to keep being ME. I like ME. It took a long time, but I do. 

I like my continued hunger for learning. 

I like my crazy, silly sense of humor. I like pushing it on my not so crazy or silly husband because I find his reactions hilarious. 

I like being that weird mom who sings her directions or irritation in terrible, rhyming opera that echoes through the house. (The acoustics in here are awesome, btw.) 

I like being so animated babies find me as fascinating as I find them. 

I like my gray hair because it's naturally stylish and I don't even have to try and I look like I'm in style. (Lazy FTW!!)

I like being passionate and loud because nobody ever has to wonder how I feel about something. 

I like my determination and still being determined to do it even when Plan A was a bust.

I like snort laughing over dumb things which results in a continuous cycle of snort laughing. Even in public, which usually makes me laugh harder. 

I like that I get obsessed with strange things.

ALL of these things, plus many more that aren't even coming to mind right now, help to make up ME. 

It took me entirely too long to like ME. I owe it to ME and my kids to keep liking ME. How else will they be able to learn to like themselves?

This year, I'm going to learn more, grow, have fun, enjoy my kids, make friends, and just keep liking ME.

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